When your day starts with hundreds of dollars spent on new locks, continues with a potential sale of gold, gems, & diamonds, one has to wonder what sort of Valentine's Day will continue to unravel. Or...one can just not care & realize it's another day that ends in Y & life goes on.
Until the noon arrival after 1/2 an emergency personal day for those above-mentioned locks.
At noon, I was hit smack in the face with love. Not just any love. Deep LOVE. The kind only a 2nd grade teacher knows on Valentine's Day. What goodness! Love poured over me, snuggled up to me, handed me hand-made & store-bought Valentine's, drew me my own island, shared glow-in-the-dark moons, rocked out with ring pops, a super cool punch game, parents asked what I needed for support MULTIPLE times, & all of that goodness felt...great...& awful...& everything between.
The morning started with the hundreds of dollars right out the front door. After it shut behind the sweetest locksmith in the whole Quad Cities, I covered my face with my own hands & sobbed. Gut-wrenching, horrific, echoing off the walls of the empty house, moans.
Until...I said to myself with an inhale & exhale each time I muttered out loud through the sobs:
"In this moment, I am safe."
"In this moment, I have a roof over my head."
"In this moment, I have access to food."
"In this moment, I have more than 1 person that loves & cares about me."
& the tears subsided. I took another look at the beautiful sunlight pouring through the 12-foot windows of the home I own, rolled my shoulders back, dusted off some tears with my super teacher-y cardigan, & went out to buy 4 thank you cards.
Because in the face of immense pain, I reach for gratitude. In the face of immense pain, I usually crack a joke. In the face of immense pain, I go silent. A trauma response if you will from before the age of 5. As one knows, a human with 1 trauma is significantly more likely to have another trauma, & another....& in the face of pain, I get lost in work. Also, a trauma response from before 5, 16-26, 37, 39....
Love doesn't always feel great for all. Sounds wild, especially on this glorified day of red & pink. For those that have been hurt, hurt to their core, the good good love actually feels confusing & painful. For those that love, honor, & see those that have been overlooked, used, & hurt, we thank you. Happy day that ends in Y.
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